Navel-gazing

I was navel-gazing today, literally.  I was about to jump into the shower when I noticed an odd scar just above my belly button, a scar I’d never noticed before.  “Damn cats,” was the thought that went through my head—I’m covered in scars and scratches from head to toe from the cats, although I thought it was strange that I didn’t remember having a big divot left in my abdomen.  Then a light went on in my head:  the “scar” was a hole, from my navel piercing, and my navel ring was apparently long, long gone.  Gone for how long?  I have no idea.  Maybe a couple of weeks, maybe more?  I’ve had a 14k gold ring, a “ball closure ring”, in continuously for over 10 years (minus the two days it was out when I had surgery), yet I’d failed to notice it was missing and didn’t even realize something was off as I gazed at my unadorned belly-button.  I had a “spare” ring in a jewelry box, but when I tried to insert it, one end of the hole had closed over and I had to break the skin to get it through—that must mean the original ring has been out of there for a long time.  Honestly, stuff like this alarms me—I seem to go through life in a semi-conscious haze.  I get milk out of the refrigerator and put it into a cupboard when I’m done with it.  I intend to put something in the microwave but open the fridge instead.  I pull open the dishwasher door and toss trash inside.  Despite all this, I can often do “high-functioning” tasks, and read, and learn new things, but my regular auto-pilot is very broken.

I blame the white noise.  That’s what I’ve decided to call the constant buzzing of pain, the incessant throbbing of nerve endings always calling to my brain.  I wish I could just learn to tune it out, but the pain is always there, like “snow” on a television set.  I need to find something to muffle the sound or shovel the snow or some other appropriate metaphor… either that, or invent a refrigerator with a built-in microwave, and a navel ring which never falls out.

Posted by on 08/28 at 10:18 PM

  1. smile I call the background pain/headache/state of reaction white noise. The amitriptyline helps a lot with that. It also cuts out my insomnia. I cut the dose again- I was reacting too strongly, I feel. I have to have a handle on my white noise- I have to recognize where it is coming from to eliminate it. On 30 mg of amitriptyline, I can’t tell when I am having a reaction until I am jet-propelled to the bathroom or need a paper bag for the hyperventilating. On 20, I have a lot more notice, but I’m still having these odd rashes and I can’t feel when a cat scratches me. I am going back to 10 mg to get more warning. If I can control more environmental issues, I can do more things and risk. Unfortunately, the lower dose lets the depression and paranoia out a bit more. Going off the amitriptyline isn’t going to be an option for a long time, I think. Some white noise good- too much white noise very bad. It’s a fine edge. Besides, I get more done when I don’t sleep. smile

    Posted by Georg  on  08/29  at  06:25 PM

  2. Amitriptyline gives me the “groggies”—maybe I just need to have patience adjusting to it.  I’ve heard it can work well for low-grade pain, and my mother was given it to help with her “frozen shoulder” discomfort.  One nice thing about it is the price!

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  08/31  at  10:59 PM

  3. $4 for 90 pills is what I call an affordable prescription! Agreed!

    Posted by Georg  on  09/01  at  12:31 AM
    4. Page 1 of 1 pages

I've been forced to put comments on moderation because of recent spamming, and I've also removed the spot where you can leave the url of your blog. I'm sorry... if you have a blog that you'd like me to add to my blogroll, please email it to me! And spammers, urls left in comments are not converted to links. If by some rare chance you leave a comment which is actually on topic, I'll just remove your url before I approve your comment anyway. Long story short, it's a waste of time to spam here. No one but me will ever see it, and I'll block your IP at the server level.

Name:

Email:

Location:

URL:

Smileys

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

What is the sum of 3 and 6?

Comments are unfortunately on moderation because of spammers. When I'm Queen of the world, spammers will be given the death penalty (but pot will be legal).

Next entry: You are getting sleepy...

Previous entry: Employment-phobic

<< Back to main